The Sting of Rejection

image

My eldest daughter has cried A LOT this week. While some of it can be chalked up to the melodramatic  of a threenager, I am acutely aware that she hasn’t been feeling her best. Just when we overcome one health hurdle, we seem to be hit with another. Last night it was in the form of an intense earache, and my heart just hurt for my poor girl.

We’ve already claimed her full and complete healing, as well as healing for the rest of the household (now my dad is fighting something off…sigh), and we know that it’s done. So as we do what we need to in order to help the process along, I want to be right there with my child.

I want to be the one holding her hand, rubbing her head, and swaying her back and forth in my loving arms. I want to bring her sweet comfort, and I want my voice to soothe her to sleep as I assure her that she’ll be better soon.

All I want to do is see her better and help her in anyway I can, but unfortunately that’s not what she has in mind.

During this trying time, her numerous tears have also been accompanied by the proclamation that she doesn’t want her mommy.

Now I completely understand the toddlers can be fickle, but this is new territory for me. I’m pretty used to my bonafide daddy’s girl exhibiting preference for her wonderful, hands-on father, but in her times of distress I’ve always been the one she’s turned to. At least I was. Now she screams & cries for me to go away, and if her dad is around she has no problem banishing me (or at least attempting to) from her presence. It’s one thing to see my child sob because her tummy hurts or her head is throbbing, but when her big salty tears are rolling down her cheeks because she is offended by the very thought of her mommy sitting next to her on the couch, I can say with all sincerity that it breaks my heart.

In this case the sting of rejection feels more like a dagger.

As incredibly well adjusted as she’s been, maybe this is her way of responding to the constant attention her baby sister gets from me. 

Perhaps she’s relishing this time with my hubby before circumstances change, and as a good man should, he makes her feel safe and protected. 

I’m not jealous of their relationship, and the truth is we have plenty of mother/daughter bonding time. In fact, by the end of some days I’m ready to send her on her way to whoever’s willing to entertain her! 

Still, this time the rejection hurt.

Talk about a new found appreciation for my own mother! I never thought I’d be having that “no matter how hard you try, you can’t get rid of me because I love you too much” conversation with my 3 year old.  Well I have, and as long as there’s breath in my lungs I will continue to ensure her that I won’t be going anywhere!

Hurt feelings won’t change that.

Harsh words won’t change that.

A string of bad days won’t change that.

She’s stuck with me for life, and even as I fight back my own tears, mommy’s love remains steadfast and unconditional.

I love this picture, even though moments before we took it my toddler used those hurtful words once again. "I don't want mommy."

I love this picture, even though moments before we took it my toddler used those hurtful words once again. “I don’t want mommy.”

How do you handle the sting of rejection?

Take comfort in the greatest example of unconditional love, shown to us by our Lord and Savior.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭38-39‬ NKJV)

BE BLESSED!!

My Soul Longs For You

Just as I felt myself recovering from my pink eye/strep throat diagnosis, it seems that yet another bug has hit our household, and we are all sidelined for the day. I am truly missing my church family, but we will continue to praise him no matter the circumstances.

image

God is with us wherever we are, and He WILL continue to get the glory!

O God, You are my God;

Early will I seek You;

My soul thirsts for You;

My flesh longs for You In a dry and thirsty land Where there is no water.

So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

My lips shall praise You.

Thus I will bless You while I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name. (‭Psalms‬ ‭63‬:‭1-4‬ NKJV)

BE BLESSED!!!

Motherhood: It Isn’t Always a Pretty Picture

This was me Saturday:

Here I was a glowing mom and bubbly hostess at my daughter’s 3rd birthday party. Enjoying the warm weather and overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love that was shown to our family that day.

image

Five days later, my picture of motherhood looks a tad different:

image

From that blissful Saturday afternoon to now, I’ve done my best to manage a baby with a cough and runny nose, a lethargic toddler with an upset tummy, and my own set of growing symptoms. I’ve wiped snot from a variety of special places, been vomited on, washed sheets that were vomited on, stayed up all night in the reclining chair holding my poor, fussy baby, and all the while getting grumpier by the minute as my own ailing body threatened to slow me down.

I drank numerous cups of tea in between cold medicine, as I tried to push past the tickle fire in my throat, but when I awoke this morning I discovered my right eye was a delightful shade of RED. There was no denying this new development, so I was off to see the doctor.

The verdict? This mama has pink eye AND strep throat!

Ugh. That sure puts a damper on things! 😒

So, I sat in the exam room feeling sorry for myself for a whole two minutes, then I thanked God.

I thanked God that while this is definitely annoying and uncomfortable, it is easily treatable and I will be back to my old self in no time. That is something I do not take for granted by any means.

I also thanked Him for giving me two daughters who listen, because they listened when I held them in my arms these past few days and told them to give their illness and germs to me (something my own mother still says to this day 💜). I wanted to be the one to bear their burdens, and see them well even if it meant I suffered (and to think, this is how Jesus feels about me!!!).

I thanked the Lord for being the ultimate healer and deliverer, and for the confidence I have in Him making a way even when my body is worn out and I feel I have nothing left to give. 

Oh, and I thanked him for easing my guilt over having to limit my interactions with the girls as I am currently contagious. 😢

Oh this mommy life!

Like the first photo, I’d rather primp, pose, and re-take so many mommy moments until they all turn out just right (I mean, can’t we just skip over the yucky stuff?!). However,  I am in a season where it seems these not-so pretty experiences are the rapidly growing reality, and I’m learning to be ok with that. There’s no need to gloss over the struggles because in addition to that put together version of myself,  I am also that unfiltered woman with the disheveled hair who wears no make-up.

This is not just about outward appearances. Yes, I’m physically sick today, but there are plenty of days that I feel like a total mess! Days where my spirit struggles to make sense of things, and days that I wonder if I am getting any of this right. Days that make me want to run away, and days that I just want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry.

Motherhood isn’t always a pretty picture.

Motherhood is messy, frustrating, taxing, humbling, sanctifying and downright hard sometimes! 

I don’t enjoy every. single. moment. (eek am I supposed to say that?!), but I do appreciate them all, and whether I find myself facing the good, the bad or the ugly, the Lord knows I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

What does your picture of mommyhood look like today?

BE BLESSED!!!

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Orange

She loves orange. Okay, she loves the tags that are attached to her orange blanket. But I love orange, and I love her, so there you go! 😉

Click here for more orange entries!

BE BLESSED!!!!