This time last week I was sharing about my recent miscarriage. It honestly feels as though much more time has passed.
The rollercoaster of emotions has been very real, and as I run the gamut between sorrow, anger, grief, pain, peace, comfort, fear, and disappointment, hope is also making its presence known.
I can’t pinpoint all that I’m feeling at every moment, but I’m certain that these 5 lessons are ones I don’t ever want to forget.
*To my precious pregnant friends, or anyone else for whom miscarriage is a trigger, please refrain from reading this post if you have any inkling that it will upset you. I appreciate your love and support, and regardless of what I’m going through know that I rejoice with you.*
Inevitable Miscarriage
As I signed my name at the bottom of the discharge paper, my eyes fixed on those two words. I held myself together long enough to make it to the doors, but as soon as the wind hit my face the tears came hard and heavy.
I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t process a thing.
I couldn’t believe this was actually happening.
It wasn’t a dream. It was my harsh, cruel, and excruciatingly painful reality.
We had lost our baby and my heart was shattered into a million pieces.
You know that old adage. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Yeah, well, that’s kind of how I feel about 2016.
I completely understand that this whole calendar thing is man-made, and I know it means nothing in terms of reflecting the inner-workings of God and His ultimate time-table.
I totally get that.
Still, this year, these past 12 months, have been a doozy. Both personally and as a family.
Into the mud rolled the big fat truck, and his big important wheels got STUCK! His heavy-duty dump-truck tires were sunk down deep in muck and mire.
MUCK AND MIRE?!!!!!
Without fail, my 4 yo will always, always pause and place extra emphasis on this part of the Little Blue Truck. She thinks it’s hilarious! I typically burst into uproarious laughter with her, but after reading it this last time it hit me in a different way.
Sunk down deep in muck and mire.
Leave it to a children’s book, granted an excellent one, to give me pause as I stopped to reflect upon the current condition of my heart and mind.
Waiting is hard. We want what we want and we want it now.
When our timing doesn’t line up with God’s it can leave us feeling downtrodden and discouraged; isolated and alone.
It’s important that we remain faithful and focused on the Lord during the wait, and I want to tell you about a devotional that will help you do just that!