I wish I was a bird so I could fly far, far, far away….
Tears are streaming down my face.
What was I supposed to be doing today? What was on my list? Was I supposed to go somewhere and meet someone? What am I supposed to be doing?
I can’t think straight. My mind is jumbled and my thoughts are clouded.
What is wrong with people?
More confusion, anger, outrage, and disgust. More questions than answers. More tension. More denial. More ignorance. More hatred.
More feelings of despair, wondering what to say to my kids when they are old enough to understand.
More falling on my knees in prayer so that utter fear and anger and bitterness and defeat don’t swallow me whole.
More prayer for those who truly don’t understand. Those who don’t care. Those who won’t care.
There are some terrible and wicked people in this world.
In uniform and not in uniform. White, black, brown and orange. Male and female. Single and married. Parents and childless. Highly educated and illiterate. Wealthy and poor.
There are wicked people everywhere, but the righteous must make their presence known.
Blessed are they who observe justice,
who do righteousness at all times! Psalm 106:3 (ESV)
I cry “Jesus”.
I scream “Jesus”!
I plead the blood of Jesus!!!
I ask him to help me understand. I ask him to come so that the madness will stop. I ask him to prepare my heart for when this will, inevitably, happen again. And again. And again.
I pray in the spirit when I can’t find the words to express.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26 (ESV)
I cling to Jesus, hope in Jesus, and put my trust in Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, JESUS!!!
The tears are still falling.
So I run to him, collapse in his arms and vow to never let go.
I vow to continue to try and make this world a better place, even in my tiny corner of the universe.
I vow to uphold the truth in God’s Holy Word, even when it’s hard, uncomfortable and unpopular.
I vow to love harder and deeper than I ever have before.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. John 13:34 (ESV)
I vow to fight, because we war not against flesh and blood but powers and principalities.
And when the world fails me I look to the Lord knowing he will never fail. And I vow to keep hope alive when there only seems to be room for the hopeless.