6 years.

It’s been 6 years since I touched your skin or gazed upon your face. A face I’ve known from birth and one I can no longer see in real time. 

It’s been 6 years since you left, and while I can’t blame you for being ready to reside in your true heavenly home, sometimes I’m simply that little girl who misses her dad and I wish you were here with me.

I’m being selfish, I know, but did you really have to go?

Could you have fought a little harder?

Did I do all I could?

Did I spend enough time with you or pray enough prayers?

Didn’t you want to walk me down that aisle or hold your grandbabies for the first time?

Oh daddy, I know you held on for as long as you could, but it wasn’t long enough!

You did your best, I know you did, and my prayers were answered. You accepted Christ as Lord and Savior weeks before you died, and as you left your earthly body you attained a full and complete healing from the cancer that ate away at your flesh.

I know that you are rejoicing at the Father’s throne and that we’ll meet again, but sometimes I get mad.

I get angry that I can’t pick up the phone and call you, because you were always the one who understood. I can’t believe I don’t have a recording of your laugh or your voice, and I’m angry you didn’t think of that before you were gone.

Why didn’t I think of that?

I’m mad that I can’t go Christmas shopping with you and I’m outraged that I can’t give you a hug. Every year around this time it hits me in such a different way but this, I believe, is overdue.

It hurts but I have to confess…I’m angry that you left me.

I’m furious, really, but it’s only because I love you so much and miss you like crazy. I’m angry because I want you back, but the truth is, you are exactly where you need to be, and I will get there one day too.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21 (ESV)

I miss you daddy, today and always, and I love you so much.

EMBRACE HIS GRACE,

💜Patricia