When we decided to try for a child my first pregnancy test came back negative. I didn’t tell Eric at first due to fear that my worst nightmare was true; that I could not in fact get pregnant. Not even a week later, on a lazy Saturday morning, he made the comment about my eating habits that week and how tired I was. So as soon as he left for work I pulled out another pregnancy test and took my place on the porcelain throne.
There it was, two pink lines telling me I’m going to be a mom. I took a few more with Eric until I finally set up the appointment to confirm 100% I was carrying our child.
I can still picture my 6-year-old self playing with my American Girl Dolls, dreaming of the day I would have a little girl of my own. I always dreamt of the fun things we would do like paint our nails and play dress up. Then we would go downstairs and bake some cookies. We would be best friends…
Motherhood means not losing control, even on those days when my kids make me question my abilities as a parent.
My strong willed child is four years old. I figured out that she was a strong willed child when she was 2.5. Her sister was born, and she fought to remain queen on the throne. I had to remind her that I was queen, and that even though mommy had to divide her attention between the two girls, I didn’t love her any less. I also had to remind her that if anyone was going to be worn down, it was going to be me, not her.
But one day I lost it. Physically, mentally & emotionally.
Since it was a fresh start to a new year, on January 5th my husband and I sat down and decided what we wanted to do with our year. We made financial goals, relationship goals, spiritual goals, and physical goals. We talked about if we wanted to add on to our family at this time, and we decided it wasn’t on our agenda. After a great talk I felt excited for 2016. The next morning after my period was 8 days late, which isn’t always uncommon for me, I saw a positive sign on a pregnancy test.