The Ring Around My Neck

Labor Day Weekend 2012

I’m smiling so I must be happy right?  Well, not exactly.  Let me start at the beginning…

This past November I was 5 months pregnant and turning 30.  I’d experienced major swelling from the very beginning, but in the midst of certain discomforts I was grateful that a few normalcies were in tact.  One such joy came from still being able to wear my wedding ring.    Now I knew that this could change at any moment, but maybe, just maybe, I’d be one of the lucky ones.  My birthday is November 14th and at the time it was still sitting pretty on my finger.  Thanksgiving was 10 days later, and sadly, no more ring. I don’t remember exactly when it happened but I distinctly recall the tight, clinching, pinching feeling I experienced on the morning my ring suffocated my finger. I didn’t want to end up in the emergency room and watch a doctor or nurse cut it off my hand, so siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.  It was time to take it off. 

Days and weeks passed, and my once little hand felt bare.  A few people noticed the absence and suggested I try wearing it on my right side, because for whatever reason it worked for them.  No success.  Then there was the idea of putting it on a chain around my neck, but I was teaching P.E. and paranoia set in as I thought about the outdoor spaces, movement, equipment, and hundreds of students I was interacting with throughout the week.  So after consulting with my hubby the decision was made.  I’d go ringless until after the baby arrived.  I wasn’t particularly self-conscious about it when I was out in public (shame on anyone who would think it was their business to make certain assumptions), but deep down I missed it.  I knew it would only be a matter of time, and then voilà! It was March at last and my sweet daughter was born.

Upon her arrival, I was determined to be as realistic as possible when it came to shedding my baby weight.  I never had a crazy image of an insta-flat tummy or my ring miraculously fitting as I laid in the recovery room after delivery.  I’d give it some time and surely my goal would be attained in a matter of months.  The truth is it hasn’t quite happened this way.

Although some days are better than others, I’m generally pleased when I look in the mirror.  I lost much of my water weight with ease, and nursing has made a big difference in burning calories.  I walk often, and generally lead an active lifestyle, but the one change I longed to see most has yet to come to fruition.  It was Labor Day weekend and after several devastating disappointing attempts to at least get my band past my knuckle without throbbing, I decided to temporarily throw in the towel and start wearing it as a necklace.  I was happy to have it close to my heart, but deep down I felt a sense of defeat.

Trust me when I say that I’m not writing this to throw a pity party.  I know I’m beautiful at whatever shape or size I’m at, and that my goal will be reached.  The bottom line is that I’m not there yet, and this doesn’t make me happy.  I don’t want to continue wearing my ring around my neck, because for me, it’s not where it belongs.  I don’t want to get it re-sized either because, well, I JUST DON’T.  I want to work harder, make some changes and see where it leads me. If I need to do some re-evaluating at some point I’ll cross that bridge when it comes.

Alexandra turned 6 months old on Wednesday, and that morning I began an insane new work-out (more on this later).  The countdown to “Patricia Wears Her Ring” is on, and I’ll be sure to keep you all posted.  Feel free to check in on me and make everyday count!!

God Bless!!

What are your some of your goals?  How do you stay motivated?  Do you encourage others along the way?