This post is sponsored by Oriental Trading, but, as always, I only share products I genuinely love. All opinions are 100% honest and my own.
When my oldest daughter phased out of the Frozen craze, I was certain I dodged a bullet. To my surprise, my youngest expressed her desire to have a Frozen-themed 3rd birthday party this year. She is crazy for Anna and it would appear that Frozen wasn’t going anywhere.
She had yet to let it go (see what I did there? LOL), and it was my pleasure to plan a party that was just what her little heart desired.
I will never forget the exact moment when the process started. I was back-to-school shopping with my girls, looking for clothes for my up and coming kindergartner. In the midst of this milestone of an occasion, my heart started beating rapidly and I could no longer think straight. One quick trip to the bathroom and I was gripped with fear.
We finished shopping and made it out of the store in record timing. Once we were home I immediately locked myself in the bathroom and began to cry. That night was the worst. The cries turned into deep weeping and agonizing pain, as I begged and pleaded for an alternative explanation before the Lord. I knew that I had just experienced loss in January, but 5 years ago I had a similar scare and that child was heading to school in a matter of days.
The praise and worship music blasted in our bedroom and the tears continued to pour out of my eyes. I tried to allow my faith to be bigger than my fear. I was determined to walk by faith and not by sight even though it seemed an impossible task as the bleeding continued.
Over and over I said these words:
I declare that my baby is fine. I declare that my baby is fine. I declare that my baby is fine.
In Jesus’ Name.
I held onto hope as much as I possibly could. I wavered and crumbled and picked myself up time and time again. Those 5 days were the longest. Finally it stopped. I felt a sense of relief but it didn’t last. So what did this mean? I needed confirmation.
Two negative tests and an ultrasound later, I think I heard my heart actually breaking.
It happened again. I miscarried again. And I’m so angry about it.
Motherhood to me is one of the most important and fulfilling aspects of my life. I mother with my whole heart and fiercely try to remember the gifts that have been placed in my life.
Our journey into motherhood was not the easiest, yet, without making light of what we went through, I now understand why all the events needed to fall the way they did. It has given me a stronger purpose to be their mom.