Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mom. I remember my sister and I would spend hours using our imaginations playing “house”, and we would argue about who would play the mom and who would play the child. Being the younger sibling I would typically lose that argument and play the child, but when she let me play the mom I was overjoyed.
As a teenager I envisioned being married by 23 and having my first child soon after. For some reason, this number was always in my head. But after going to college and setting my sights on grad school, marriage seemed like the last thing on my mind when I actually became that age.
It was around that time though that I ventured into a long term relationship. I thought he was going to be the one but when we ended things many years later, I found myself single in my very late 20’s.
I wasn’t sure when the reality of being married and becoming a mother was actually going to happen.
I’ve really been struggling to write this guest post for Patricia’s motherhood series. Truthfully I’ve re-written it a number of times and still can’t quite find the words to appropriately express my feelings about motherhood and what it means to me. I also can’t type more than a few words without crying. I cry when I think about how much my son means to me or about our struggle to become pregnant with a sibling for him. I cry when I think about all my friends who continue to have difficulty becoming pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. As much as motherhood is a beautiful blessing it can also be heart wrenching and emotionally exhausting when it doesn’t go as planned.
Here’s is a bit about my experience with motherhood…