I’m Angry That This Happened

I will never forget the exact moment when the process started. I was back-to-school shopping with my girls, looking for clothes for my up and coming kindergartner. In the midst of this milestone of an occasion, my heart started beating rapidly and I could no longer think straight. One quick trip to the bathroom and I was gripped with fear.

We finished shopping and made it out of the store in record timing. Once we were home I immediately locked myself in the bathroom and began to cry. That night was the worst. The cries turned into deep weeping and agonizing pain, as I begged and pleaded for an alternative explanation before the Lord. I knew that I had just experienced loss in January, but 5 years ago I had a similar scare and that child was heading to school in a matter of days. 

The praise and worship music blasted in our bedroom and the tears continued to pour out of my eyes. I tried to allow my faith to be bigger than my fear. I was determined to walk by faith and not by sight even though it seemed an impossible task as the bleeding continued. 

Over and over I said these words:

I declare that my baby is fine. I declare that my baby is fine. I declare that my baby is fine.

In Jesus’ Name.

Amen.

I held onto hope as much as I possibly could. I wavered and crumbled and picked myself up time and time again. Those 5 days were the longest. Finally it stopped. I felt a sense of relief but it didn’t last. So what did this mean? I needed confirmation.

Two negative tests and an ultrasound later, I think I heard my heart actually breaking. 

It happened again. I miscarried again. And I’m so angry about it. 

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5 Lessons of Hope…Even When It Hurts

This time last week I was sharing about my recent miscarriage. It honestly feels as though much more time has passed.

The rollercoaster of emotions has been very real, and as I run the gamut between sorrow, anger, grief, pain, peace, comfort, fear, and disappointment, hope is also making its presence known.

I can’t pinpoint all that I’m feeling at every moment, but I’m certain that these 5 lessons are ones I don’t ever want to forget.

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No, You Won’t Steal My Joy!

Into the mud rolled the big fat truck, and his big important wheels got STUCK! His heavy-duty dump-truck tires were sunk down deep in muck and mire.

MUCK AND MIRE?!!!!!

Without fail, my 4 yo will always, always pause and place extra emphasis on this part of the Little Blue Truck. She thinks it’s hilarious! I typically burst into uproarious laughter with her, but after reading it this last time it hit me in a different way.

Sunk down deep in muck and mire.

Leave it to a children’s book, granted an excellent one, to give me pause as I stopped to reflect upon the current condition of my heart and mind.

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In Due Time Devotional: Giveaway + Review

Waiting is hard.  We want what we want and we want it now. 

When our timing doesn’t line up with God’s it can leave us feeling downtrodden and discouraged; isolated and alone.

It’s important that we remain faithful and focused on the Lord during the wait, and I want to tell you about a devotional that will help you do just that!

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A Thankful Heart

Is it just me or did the month of November fly by?! I know we have a few days left, but we’ll be in December before we know it! 

Before welcoming a new month, I wanted to join Aleigh Moore‘s linkup for the final installment of her ‘A Thankful Heart’ series. You can check out my previous entries here and here

Now let’s get to a few more reasons why I’m thankful!

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