This post is sponsored by Evivo but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.
I’m 4 months into breastfeeding my 3rd baby, and I can honestly say that each time has been different. Every nursing experience has come with its own challenges and unique rhythm, but there are three things I know now that I wish I’d know from the start.
I will never forget the exact moment when the process started. I was back-to-school shopping with my girls, looking for clothes for my up and coming kindergartner. In the midst of this milestone of an occasion, my heart started beating rapidly and I could no longer think straight. One quick trip to the bathroom and I was gripped with fear.
We finished shopping and made it out of the store in record timing. Once we were home I immediately locked myself in the bathroom and began to cry. That night was the worst. The cries turned into deep weeping and agonizing pain, as I begged and pleaded for an alternative explanation before the Lord. I knew that I had just experienced loss in January, but 5 years ago I had a similar scare and that child was heading to school in a matter of days.
The praise and worship music blasted in our bedroom and the tears continued to pour out of my eyes. I tried to allow my faith to be bigger than my fear. I was determined to walk by faith and not by sight even though it seemed an impossible task as the bleeding continued.
Over and over I said these words:
I declare that my baby is fine. I declare that my baby is fine. I declare that my baby is fine.
In Jesus’ Name.
I held onto hope as much as I possibly could. I wavered and crumbled and picked myself up time and time again. Those 5 days were the longest. Finally it stopped. I felt a sense of relief but it didn’t last. So what did this mean? I needed confirmation.
Two negative tests and an ultrasound later, I think I heard my heart actually breaking.
It happened again. I miscarried again. And I’m so angry about it.
As a mom of multiple children, life is filled with love, love, love, sprinkled with busy. I am a mom of three (4 year old, 2 1/2 year old, and a 7 month old), and this is an extremely active season in my life. If I had a dollar for every time a stranger said to me, “You’ve got your hands full” I would have all three kids’ college tuition paid in full!
When I was a mother of two I would nicely reply, “Full hands, full heart”, and now as a mom of three I kindly reply, “Yes, I do have my hands full; full of joy!”.