I know the feeling.
So much joy mixed with a twinge (or stab) of pain. Father’s being hailed, honored and cherished, as they should be, and yet someone special is missing from your festivities.
You gather your family together and pull out the camera for the making of some classic memories, and try not to dwell on the face that isn’t there. You make sure everyone is flashing their pretty smiles (well if there are children involved you at least give it a try), and you smile too. After all, you are beyond blessed to be celebrating with the other special men in your life, and there’s not a single part of you that wants them to think you’re not grateful.
Still, the sadness comes. It may have been lingering all month or all week as you came to grips with the fact that this is your first Father’s Day without him.
Perhaps it hit you out of the blue when you were shopping for Father’s Day cards and realized that you wouldn’t be picking one out for him.
Maybe he’s been gone for 5 years, 10 or 20, but you still ache for him on days like this.
You just wish you could hear his voice again. You long to hear his laugh. You want your girls to color and decorate cards for him too. And on occasion you forget that he’s not on the receiving end of that number where you want to send their latest pictures.
You just want to hug him one more time, and although you were close, so close, when he was alive, you still ask yourself if you did or said enough. It hurts, but you know that he is in a better place now then he could have ever been on earth, and the comfort in that brings a peace that only God could provide.
This is a holiday for celebrating and I will do just that. I will celebrate my husband for the absolutely phenomenal father he is to our little girls, and I’ll celebrate my Dad/D2/stepdad for the incredible man he’s been since he and my mom said ‘I Do’. It will be a joy-filled day, full of laughter, sports and good eats, but I’m willing to admit that there may be some sadness too. Regardless of where you are in the process I want you to know that it’s ok. Even if you weren’t on the best terms with your daddy, grandpa or husband whom you so desperately miss, let me tell you this.
They loved you.
Make room for your grief.
Move forward but allow yourself the space and grace to have difficult days.
God loves you.
And this, this is especially from me to you…
You are not alone.