Will My Heart Be Big Enough?

Can I handle 2 children? 

How will my toddler react to the baby?

What will become our new norm?

Will my first trip to the grocery store with both girls be a disaster?

Will I ever get out of the house on time?

Will I ever want to leave the house again?!

How do I get my little darlings up those stinkin’ stairs??

Am I ready for this?

Will I EVER be ready for this?

These questions were a sample of the slew of thoughts and concerns that swirled around my head when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. Although I could now say I had baby experience and was confident in my ability to care for my #2, in many ways I was still entering into the unknown.

I had no idea what this new little one’s personality would be like, and with my toddler and I doing absolutely everything together, I also had to adjust to the fact that it would no longer be just the two of us enjoying our quality time while daddy was at work each day.  I’d finally settled into a nice rhythm and found a good balance, but there was going to be a new girl in town. Her much anticipated arrival meant there’d  be a lot of changes made to our daily operation, but I knew we’d be alright. The truth is, a change in our schedules, or plans for the day paled in comparison to the deeper uncertainty brewing beneath the surface.

Would I have enough love to go around? Would my heart be big enough to fully embrace this precious gift, in the way I had her big sister?

As her mom, the obvious answer was Yes, of course!, but still I pondered.

I’ve seen the fanfare and excitement dwindle from family and friends when baby #2 or 3 or 4…is announced. I’ve heard parents go beyond observing the differences in their children to making blatant comparisons of them, listing the reasons why one child was clearly better than the other. I have witnessed the harmful and damaging effects of favoritism, and wondered if I too would be susceptible to any of these behaviors.

The love for my babies was there from the very moment I knew their sweet lives were growing inside me, and I prayed and prayed that I’d be able to equally and adequately express that deep love to both my girls.

On the day I met my darling Lily, I had no doubt that this blessing was just as special as the first gift I’d received, and that Our Heavenly Father had certainly hand-crafted her just for me.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. (‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭14‬ NKJV)

She was perfect in every way, and my heart embraced her without a single doubt or hesitation. 

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7 months later, she enriches my life in more ways than I could have imagined. I get lost in her eyes, and hold her close at every opportunity. I cuddle with her, smell that baby smell, and stroke her soft skin whenever I can. I love on her with every fiber of my being, and that same love, that profound, unconconditional, and ever-growing love, is given freely to each of my daughters.

I will do my best to model after God, who loves all his children, and gives so much to each and every one of us.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (‭John‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬ NKJV)

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? (‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭32‬ NKJV)

As they continue to grow and mature, my prayer is that, as their mom, I too will grow and mature. This is an area that I will constantly be seeking direction from the Holy Spirit, with the hope that the day will never come when a child of mine wonders if she’s good enough to receive all her mama’s love.

Where are you in this motherhood journey? Is this topic of favoritism or ‘enough love’ something you’ve ever wrestled with?

BE BLESSED and travel well in Him!

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