Change is uncomfortable. I sometimes wonder why this always seems to be the case, but I guess we wouldn’t be able to recognize a difference if it felt like everything else. It’s nice to be in a familiar place, but with familiarity often comes complacency. It’s good to stretch ourselves out of our comfort zones, and this is often the first step toward living the life you’ve always dreamed of.
My husband and I recently took that step, and decided that I would leave my job (for now?) and stay home for at least a year with our nearly 3 month old daughter. Maybe this seems like small potatoes since millions of families make this type of decision daily, but it’s a big deal for us! Growing up I never saw myself in this role. I always had great respect for the SAHM and held them in the highest esteem, but “Nahhh I thought. That just isn’t me.” Then on March 12, 2012 everything changed.
After finally meeting my precious baby girl I was overwhelmed with the undeniable, indescribable, and unconditional love a mother has for her child. I instantly wanted the best for her and wanted to do everything in my power to give her the life she deserves. The timing of her arrival was practically perfect, because as a P.E. teacher my summer vacation would begin just as my maternity leave ended. I counted my blessings because I know far too many moms who would’ve enjoyed more time off with their babies but circumstances were not in their favor. On a side note, this makes me very sad. Isn’t there a way we can get on the bandwagon and join the numerous countries who give parents real time off to be with their children? Anyways, each day passed so quickly and before I knew it hours became days, and days became months. June was right around the corner and between my hairdresser and HR manager I received the reality check that my husband and I needed to make a decision about childcare. We discussed this numerous times throughout the last several months but we never found a solution that gave us peace. The end of each of these conversations would include a shoulder shrug and one or both of us saying “God knows. It’ll work out somehow.” Somewhere along the way I recalled my husband mentioning the fact that he’d always hoped we’d be in the position to allow me to stay home. “Sure if the money’s right.” I said aloud, but internally I scoffed and shook my head. “Did this man know me at all? Can I even picture myself being home everyday?!! ” That was never part of my original plan, that is until God blessed me with a 7lb .08 oz angel. Oh how the tides change! Suddenly I couldn’t picture being a moment apart from my little sweetie, and against everything I originally thought, I was now sure of my true desire. But that was only half the battle. Once coming to this realization an awful pit crept into my stomach. I wondered if I was cut out for this, and if my lack of financial contribution would cause my family more stress and strain. These were just a couple of my many rambling thoughts, and I knew I needed to pray before I sent myself into a downward spiral.
Would this be uncomfortable? YES. Would it require some adjustments? YES. Was it a little bit scary? YES. Did we have the faith and trust in the Lord that “all things work together for good to those who love God…”? A RESOUNDING YES! So I did it. With butterflies of nervous excitement fluttering away in my tummy I called my job and informed them that I would not be returning for this upcoming school year. After a very encouraging conversation with my now FORMER employer I was on cloud 9. It was done! I had spent the last 5 years pouring into the lives of other people’s children and now I’d be starting my new full-time career of pouring into my own. Even now it’s still sinking in that a new chapter is truly beginning, but day-by-day I embrace it. With every coo, smile or giggle my precious one shares, Holy Spirit reassures me that this is right. At 30, I’m not where I thought I’d be and I don’t know how long it will last, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Stepping out on faith has never felt so good!